I used to hate it growing up when someone would suggest we "race" to a particular destination, then yell "go!" before I was ready. It was mean and a sneaky way to get the upper hand. None of those are words I would use to describe God. But I had never really thought about Him "waiting" on me.
It was about 2 years ago when I got "the call" from the Army about the chaplaincy, and shortly thereafter when God confirmed that "call" was from Him. And as hard as this is to admit, it's been a call I have not been warming up to very well. I wanted to say "wrong number" and hang up the phone. I felt like Isaiah when he said, "Woe to me. I'm ruined," except I meant it not because I'd experienced the holiness of God, but the holy call of God and never before had I felt more unholy. He made it clear it was coming from Him, which made me accept the call, but it didn't make me like it. (I'm just being honest.) So for two years now, I've struggled to truly embrace this whole thing. Moving forward, but reluctantly. Being obedient, but not joyfully.
Thankfully God is patient. Over and over, in many different ways, He has been speaking to my heart, to my fears, to my hesitance. He's not judged me or belittled me for not having more faith. He's met me where I've been and just spoken words of Truth: He's reminded me of all I've seen Him do in my life in the past. He's encouraged me with images of miracles He's allowed me to be a part of. And He's continued to invite me to join Him again.
Something finally clicked.
Like David before Goliath, now I'm looking at the giant WANTING to be a part of the battle for his defeat. I'm disregarding my own puny stature because I'm overwhelmingly confident of the ENORMOUS size of my God.
- No longer am I looking at this call with fear and dread but rather with faith and anticipation.
- No longer am I fixated on the effects of this call on me, but the impact it can have on others.
- No longer do I hear myself saying things like, "I am still in training so I don't have to deploy with my unit" and instead saying, "I am still in training so I don't get to deploy with my unit."
- No longer is this solely God's desire for me but my desire as I follow Him.
He waited on me.
Now as I run this race with Him at my side every step, I can do so joyfully not with frustration of having been cheated or bitterness for running when I didn't really want to. He helped me "throw off everything that hinders" so I am now free to "run with perseverance the race marked out for [me]" (Hebrews 12:1). He ... waited ... on ... me.
One closing note, however. I don't believe God will stall His plan for the world because of our disobedience. I think we have to be actively trying to get ready and seeking His help for that too. We can't just sit down on the couch and say, "Nope, not ready. Check back later" then continue munching on Doritos with no intention of moving. But it is our loss if we let Him move on without us. Imagine David without the story of Goliath? Why would we not want to be a part of God doing the impossible??
So, how about it? Feel like racing home?